Tinder un-choosing: the six stages of mate discarding in a patriarchal technology

Abstract

We analyse rejection experiences in mobile dating applications (MDA), in particular Tinder, based on the variables of gender and age. To do so, we conducted in-depth semi-structured interviews with forty (40) heterosexual Tinder users (10 women aged 18–28 years, 11 women aged 40–60, 10 men aged 18–28, and 9 men aged 40–60). Results showed that rather than explicitly hostile experiences, users encounter a gamified soft-rejection technology where being not-selected or discarded (or not-selecting or discarding others) emerges as an apparently harmless element of a dating experience that is structured into six successive stages (self-classification, selection of partners, match, first conversation, progress, face-to-face). We discuss these findings, concluding that this paradigm may be new but it still mirrors traditional structures of machismo and ageism.